Chapter 6: Give Yourself Time

​   As someone who enjoys being on the go and grasping every moment of life, delays can be very frustrating. Sometimes we see them coming and other times we don't. It's often the times that we don't that take the longest to get over. Why? Because no one really likes surprises. Most of them just end up being rude awakenings. When we look forward to something that's important to us and it doesn't come to fruition it can be downright disappointing. 
   I've recently had one of these moments when things didn't go as planned with someone who wasn't who I thought they were (talk about a double whammy). Now I'm a creative, I appreciate a great story and it’s complexity. This situation wasn't miraculous, it was simple and frankly boring. Two people on different pages, things didn't happen, it is what it is. Nothing I haven't experienced before, so why did it hurt so much? Maybe because of the person involved, maybe because I was looking forward to the climax. No matter how many times I tried to justify it, there was no concrete answer other than it freaking sucked.
    In the past, I'd reject the overflow of emotions altogether. I could hear myself saying, "am I seriously gonna sit here and cry over this? Absolutely not!" My best friend and I were just talking about this notion. We both agreed that the older we get, the more vulnerable we are. We laughed and said, "when did we turn into such little bitches?" When shit got real, that's when. Reality ain't that cute, she continuously hits us with more disappointments and bigger hurdles for us to jump. J. Cole said it best, "there's beauty in the struggle" and what doesn't kill us does make us stronger, after a crap load of time.
      So I finally decided I needed to do the opposite of what I was used to and allow myself to feel everything (lord have mercy). I cut out the why's and the how's to just let myself be. In doing this, I was careful not to act on my emotions (no I was not perfect). It was really important for me to take responsibility for my feelings. That doesn't mean that I took on all the weight of the situation or was okay with what happened. It just meant that I chose to accept the damage, remove myself, and take my time to heal.
    We hold onto grudges in hopes for a sincere apology or closure. The truth is, you can never be 100 percent sure that an apology is sincere or that they won't repeat their actions. The closure we seek is an illusion. Most times when we're seeking 'closure', we're honestly just seeking validation for what's already closed.
    This is why taking responsibility for your feelings is so important. No one can understand you better than yourself. You can share the problem in hopes that someone will get it. Even if they do, whilst listening to your pain, they're also very thankful it's not their problem. It's your job to heal your pain. Take time to get to know parts of yourself again. Accept that life is full of surprises but nothing happens without reason. Express yourself without expectation. Know that the severity of the issue doesn't diminish your pain. There is no quick fix or gimmick to healing (any advertised are probably unhealthy). Out of all the disappointments that I've faced the only thing that has never failed me was time. Be loving, compassionate, and patient with yourself. Once you do this, you'll learn more about yourself and be able to teach people how to better appreciate you.