Chapter 2

  I remember growing up my favorite tv shows were cheesy family shows. We all know the classics Family Matters, Full House, Home Improvement? These families were unique in their own ways but there was one thing universal about all of them: after all the chaos they always learned a lesson. My family was no Cosby Show, it was ridden with drama and no solution (not that anyone could tell from our lovely Christmas cards). Many of us have had our run in with childhood trauma. The question is how many  of us have actually healed from it? The only way I was able to heal from my past was to first learn forgiveness.  
     When I moved out to LA my relationship with my parents improved tremendously. I was over the past, forgave them, and moved on. Or at least that's what I told my therapist about a year into moving. I actually wasn't in therapy because of my childhood. I was just there to figure out how to save my drug addict ex (yeah a lot can happen in 5 months).  My therapist Danny had no interest in my anticlimactic love life. He was way more interested in my upbringing. Although I was extremely irritated by his diversion off of the topic, he might have had a point. I realized that unless I was able to heal, forgive, and let go of my past I would continue to recreate similar traumatic situations from my childhood. 
    They say our childhood can shape our adulthood, but thats if we let it. When I finally hit rock bottom, I understood it was up to me to break the cycle. First, I had to accept the fact that my parents were both human beings who were allowed to make mistakes (easier said than done). Kids grow up putting their parents on this pedestal because they're the first forms of authority a child recognizes. When one thinks of an authority figure, they think of someone they can look up to and has qualities of a leader. The thing is most parents take on the role having no idea what the hell their doing. Many haven't even dealt with their own shit before they're ready to clean up another human beings. A lot of knowledge about raising children stem from older generations who were just trying to figure it out themselves. Think about how many generations of screwed up ideologies, hatred, and neglect have been passed down and never fully healed. Once I fully grasped this notion, I was able to understand that if I was a victim of my childhood then so were my parents of theirs. Once I took them off that pedestal, I stopped feeling entitled to certain expectations. The main expectation I had for them was to love me unconditionally and thats something I never had to question. 
     Forgiveness is a huge component of Love. Some burdens are way harder to forgive than others, especially when they come from our loved ones. Forgiveness is an emotional risk because we can never be sure that the people we love won't hurt us again. What people often misconstrued is that forgiveness is letting people off the hook easily. But, its actually releasing those burdens off of yourself. You owe it to yourself to let go so you can move on and attract the life that you really deserve to live. It takes a really strong person to forgive someone that hurt you but that can only make you a better person. At the end of the day, when you step out of your parents house and you enter the world, your life becomes your responsibility. When I was able to face and expel my past that's when I had finally moved. I saw my life as my own and had pure gratitude for my parents doing the best they could with what they knew. I respect that they're still on their journey of self discovery. The easier it becomes for me to forgive is just a reflection of self growth and self love.